Stuff that Chaps My Hide...

Eeep, maybe I am starting the descent into cranky bitchdom, or maybe I am just getting fed up with bullshit in general.  I am not anyone's asswipe.  I am tired of doing my best and getting crapped on for it.  I have realized my time and priorities are just that. MINE.  I realize in the past I have cared far more than I should have about how my actions are going to make someone else feel.  I believe I have sincerely tried to live by the Golden Rule, which I will not be coughing out here, as I am sure said rule is common lore.

So, here is my random ranting of stuff that pisses me off...

Following the schedule as it is posted at work, as gee whiz, maybe management has scheduled us for certain times to allow for all tasks to be completed as, and when needed, and to best serve the guests that ahem, keep us in work and allow us to get paid for doing said work.
Getting to work, only to see other co-workers have shown up and decided what they "feel" like doing that day, and oh, they felt like starting an hour early, so they did, without checking to see if they were actually needed at that hour.
People who show up, say they need the hours, then proceed to whine about working, then leave early, without any consideration to co-workers still on the job.  I am not referring to people leaving for a genuine emergency or sickness here.
Co-workers not taking credit for their own work, hey you know, I don't really want my name on something you rushed through and didn't take any care and pride in.  I will take the approval/disapproval for my own shit, thanks...

On the road, I find myself gritting my teeth at the shitty driving, cycling, and pedestrian habits.  It's FUCKING winter, slow the hell down, don't run in front of me from behind a pile of snow, recipe for a massive coronary right there.  I have folks who seem to think the lanes through town are to weave in and out of, so they can beat some other commuter to the next light by a millisecond.  Also, we have this lovely invention in out vehicles called a turn signal, so that those of us who aren't blessed with the power of ESP will actually have a clue what you are planning to do.  
To the brave, and enthusiastic souls who choose to cycle at this time of year, please don't arc in front of me without using your hand signals,as i cannot read your minds any better than I can read the minds of drivers.

By posting these rants, I am in no way excusing my own faults or mistakes. The things above just happen on far too regular a basis to be minor annoyances. I am getting the general feeling that people are either so stressed or self-absorbed that they aren't taking the time to consider others.

There are days I am tempted to just do as the masses around me do, but then I would be a hypocrite for complaining, so I just heave a deep sigh and go about my day, not trying to be better than anyone else. but a better version of myself.

I still want to believe that mankind is overall decent, and that as humans we all make mistakes and have bad days, but lately I have been finding myself feeling less enthusiastic in my belief, yet wanting to bring back my optimism...

I guess this means digging deep, and putting in more effort myself.  I have to give it a try, that's all I can really do.  

Direction--Do I Have One?

I have to admit, I admire the folks out there who have their shit together.  The ones that formulate a plan, and by golly, they follow through with it.  If you are just such an individual I applaud you--hats off to you, and all the best...

Then there is me.  I seem to be just humming along, taking what's on the road and going with it.  I ask, is there anything wrong with taking this route?  By an outsider's view I may not look incredibly successful.  I feel like I win the small battles life throws at me, I make it through a work day without killing an incompetent or lazy co-worker, even though I want to snap when they leave me their work to do for the hundredth time in a row.  I persist when my kid tells me he can't do something that I am sure he can do if he just tries--and then he does and succeeds.  It's these small, albeit insignificant victories that keep me rolling.

It's all the what-ifs I shrug off, and go with the what nows.
There are days I think life would be great if we could do it like a choose your own adventure/ending book, where if the one outcome wasn't quite what you were expecting, you could always go back to try the other.  These are the what-ifs, what if I had made a different choice at this junction?  Where would I be now? Would I be better off--or worse?  I am getting a bit better with age about going with my gut on things and not overthinking the hell out of a decision.

I guess my life is not a well-thought out map.  I liken it more to a blank sheet of paper that is brainstormed, made notes on, doodled on, and then maybe a plan is outlined, in the broadest terms of course.  I am not the most adventurous person, but I have plenty of things to get my motor running.  I am not in competition with anyone else, although I do admire the efforts others make in their own life quests.  I see it often about not being able to blame others or events for the direction your life takes.  I agree that those close to us, and the events that happen to and around us. can shape us--yet they don't have to define us or be written in stone.

I will remain grateful for all the good things and opportunities that have come my way, and try to make the best of circumstances that aren't always going to work in my perceived favour.  Sometimes the wrong turn is a blessing in disguise, not an immediate signal to make a U-turn to start again.
I feel as if sometimes I have been so revved up, that it's hard to come down to a lower gear or approach from another angle.
I'm making myself take some time off work, the people I love--and hate to be around, to change gears for even a short amount of time to see if there is anything I need to change direction or perspective on.  
I may not have a clearly defined direction, but even a meandering, jagged path will take me somewhere....