I have to admit, I admire the folks out there who have their shit together. The ones that formulate a plan, and by golly, they follow through with it. If you are just such an individual I applaud you--hats off to you, and all the best...
Then there is me. I seem to be just humming along, taking what's on the road and going with it. I ask, is there anything wrong with taking this route? By an outsider's view I may not look incredibly successful. I feel like I win the small battles life throws at me, I make it through a work day without killing an incompetent or lazy co-worker, even though I want to snap when they leave me their work to do for the hundredth time in a row. I persist when my kid tells me he can't do something that I am sure he can do if he just tries--and then he does and succeeds. It's these small, albeit insignificant victories that keep me rolling.
It's all the what-ifs I shrug off, and go with the what nows.
There are days I think life would be great if we could do it like a choose your own adventure/ending book, where if the one outcome wasn't quite what you were expecting, you could always go back to try the other. These are the what-ifs, what if I had made a different choice at this junction? Where would I be now? Would I be better off--or worse? I am getting a bit better with age about going with my gut on things and not overthinking the hell out of a decision.
I guess my life is not a well-thought out map. I liken it more to a blank sheet of paper that is brainstormed, made notes on, doodled on, and then maybe a plan is outlined, in the broadest terms of course. I am not the most adventurous person, but I have plenty of things to get my motor running. I am not in competition with anyone else, although I do admire the efforts others make in their own life quests. I see it often about not being able to blame others or events for the direction your life takes. I agree that those close to us, and the events that happen to and around us. can shape us--yet they don't have to define us or be written in stone.
I will remain grateful for all the good things and opportunities that have come my way, and try to make the best of circumstances that aren't always going to work in my perceived favour. Sometimes the wrong turn is a blessing in disguise, not an immediate signal to make a U-turn to start again.
I feel as if sometimes I have been so revved up, that it's hard to come down to a lower gear or approach from another angle.
I'm making myself take some time off work, the people I love--and hate to be around, to change gears for even a short amount of time to see if there is anything I need to change direction or perspective on.
I may not have a clearly defined direction, but even a meandering, jagged path will take me somewhere....
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