This is my freedom year. I plan to free myself from anything that restricts me. I don't mean the day to day of jobs, kids, or paying bills (but, hell it would be welcome to drop some of the more tedious aspects of life!)
I am going to free myself of restrictive thinking and actions. Instead of worrying, I will take a more positive approach to whatever I do. I want to shed old ways of thinking that don't serve me well. In the past I have put too much emphasis on what others might think. My new, improved train of thought might say, this is what I need/want to do--I'm doing it!
Someone reading this might just be thinking, "So simple, so less writing about it, just get on with it." Easier said than done! I have been coming around to making changes to a mindset I may as well have set in concrete.
My notation of plans here is a chipping away at that solid mass, so that I may build something just as strong, but better in its place! There are going to be times that effort will look/feel wasted or stalled. I will get a glimpse of a crack, and be re-energized to renew efforts. No one else should be shaping what I should be. I have the reins of my own life. If thinking and doing good makes me feel awesome, you can be damn sure I will be doing it!
I also aim to be more comfortable in my own skin. I appreciate that my body looks after me, so I in return should be showing it more love. I may have some "excesses" but they are part of the life story. I have to admit the idea of doing a bunch of work to look like a model doesn't really appeal to me, and I love my food too much to do anything in that department. The previous statements do not mean that I plan to just ignore my health. I can do moderation. I like enough different foods to keep all of me happy. This gal won't be sweating it out in a gym. I don't believe in resolutions at New Year. I won't be a failure if I don't finish changing my mindset and attitude by this time next year. As long as I am a better version of myself!
To all of you who make my heart sing with your presence and conversation, I need to let you know I love you. I sometimes forget that even though I have said this affirmatively in my head, oops maybe the over-thinker in my brain never thought saying this out loud was prudent or necessary. The over-thinker thought it might get a weird look or a brush-off. Life is too damn short not to tell folks you love them. Just like saying "Thank you!" Neither thing is wrong to say. Bring on the puzzled looks, but I will be opening the mouth to drop these tidbits where necessary. I have mentioned gratitude and inspiration many a time in the past. Love and thanks encompass both.
I think the lines from Merry Go Round are resonating here: Slow down, we've been turning for too long. Slow down, cause I'm barely holding on, and I don't know if I can make it another time around. I don't want to keep going around and around in the same circles at the same speed, doing the same old, thinking the same old thoughts. I need to slow down, renew my grip and figure out where I WANT to go!
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Contrast or Complement?
I started out with a great idea in my head to do a contrast on two seemingly different books about self-help, (much as I hate this term!) The past couple of years I have been reading up on self-esteem, and through various avenues, and discussions with others came upon The Secret. I am going to admit, I had seen it in stores before, and never gave it much of a glance. The sheer number of copies in the display screamed that it must be endorsed by some big name, and I don't know if I just like being contrary or what, but every book or series that gets lots of media hype screams to me--walk away! To this day I have not, (nor do I plan to) read the Harry Potter series, or the Fifty Shades trilogy. Part of me figures they must be good if they are that popular, but there are so many good books out there to read that never get that hype, so they tend to be the ones I am drawn to. I know enough people who have read the hyped books, so I get the general gist of it anyway, but I digress, so back to The Secret. I admit I had no real idea the first time I saw it what it even contained. I guess things happen for a reason, as the whole self-esteem topic spiraled off to the movement concerning the Law of Attraction. No matter what others believe, the idea of putting out positive or negative vibes/energy spoke to me. I am also the first to admit, I don't think this energy is "magic" or a cure-all for everything, but rather a philosophy. My life is not 100% where I want it, but where would the fun be in that. My goal since reading The Secret, is purely to look for more of the good in life to keep my own energy as positive as I can. Do I blame the Laws philosophy for a shit day? Hell no!
I am now currently reading F*ck Feelings, thinking from the synopsis I read on it that it would be a 180 degree opposite to everything The Secret proposed. Imagine my amusement when fairly early into my reading, the book actually had a sidebar bashing The Secret!
Okay, maybe bashing is a little harsh, but it definitely was critical. Having fully read The Secret, I don't recall it specifically stating that the reader should expect miracles. In fact, I found it purposefully vague, no promises, just the insinuation that the reader was responsible for whatever they ultimately attracted. They even had a few disclaimers telling folks not to just assume they could attract themselves well without professional help! (Of course i don't think you can wish cancer, AIDS, or other diseases away, but the way you approach treatment can help your outcome!) At the very least you can try to make the most of a bad situation so as to not allow it to rule or take over your life.
I think what The Secret is getting at is that if you are feeling grateful and happy, it becomes easier to see things in life to be happy and grateful for. It all kind of builds on itself. The inverse is also true. A shitty day can become even shittier if you dwell on how shitty things are going. Sometimes a situation can be turned around if you can shift even a small part of your thinking and keep that momentum going.
I am reminded of a reading about life and reactions. I saw a poster in a study room at school with a piece by Charles R. Swindoll that has stuck with me since I first saw it. "Life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it." I recall being so impressed with the larger piece of writing this came from about Attitude, that I copied it out in handwriting and took it home. Basically the quote above is the punchline of the piece, but I find myself in agreement.
F*ck Feelings seems to be the realist view of the world, which also has it's place. Admittedly, I haven't finished it yet, but so far I am finding that while it contradicts some of what The Secret promotes, I have also found instances where it complements some of The Secret's ideas. I guess I am not getting an exact 180 here, but it appears to be more of a back and forth. F*ck Feelings stresses that we cannot control others, and situations beyond our scope. If The Secret is read closely enough, one will see that it never claims a person can force their energy upon another--unless, both parties are emitting on the same frequency. Makes sense, and probably where the expression about people "being on the same wavelength", came from!
I confess, I will need to finish reading F*ck Feelings before I can say with absolute certainty, but at this point in the game, this is where I stand in my own comprehension of what has been presented to me. I could have been one-sided and whole-heartedly took everything The Secret presented as the gospel, but I would be a hypocrite, as I am always telling my kids there is more than one side of the story, and the information F*ck Feelings puts forth are valid, and yet another side of the story to explore. I will do a final update when I read and process the last of the book. Until then, I plan to keep an open mind!
I am now currently reading F*ck Feelings, thinking from the synopsis I read on it that it would be a 180 degree opposite to everything The Secret proposed. Imagine my amusement when fairly early into my reading, the book actually had a sidebar bashing The Secret!
Okay, maybe bashing is a little harsh, but it definitely was critical. Having fully read The Secret, I don't recall it specifically stating that the reader should expect miracles. In fact, I found it purposefully vague, no promises, just the insinuation that the reader was responsible for whatever they ultimately attracted. They even had a few disclaimers telling folks not to just assume they could attract themselves well without professional help! (Of course i don't think you can wish cancer, AIDS, or other diseases away, but the way you approach treatment can help your outcome!) At the very least you can try to make the most of a bad situation so as to not allow it to rule or take over your life.
I think what The Secret is getting at is that if you are feeling grateful and happy, it becomes easier to see things in life to be happy and grateful for. It all kind of builds on itself. The inverse is also true. A shitty day can become even shittier if you dwell on how shitty things are going. Sometimes a situation can be turned around if you can shift even a small part of your thinking and keep that momentum going.
I am reminded of a reading about life and reactions. I saw a poster in a study room at school with a piece by Charles R. Swindoll that has stuck with me since I first saw it. "Life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it." I recall being so impressed with the larger piece of writing this came from about Attitude, that I copied it out in handwriting and took it home. Basically the quote above is the punchline of the piece, but I find myself in agreement.
F*ck Feelings seems to be the realist view of the world, which also has it's place. Admittedly, I haven't finished it yet, but so far I am finding that while it contradicts some of what The Secret promotes, I have also found instances where it complements some of The Secret's ideas. I guess I am not getting an exact 180 here, but it appears to be more of a back and forth. F*ck Feelings stresses that we cannot control others, and situations beyond our scope. If The Secret is read closely enough, one will see that it never claims a person can force their energy upon another--unless, both parties are emitting on the same frequency. Makes sense, and probably where the expression about people "being on the same wavelength", came from!
I confess, I will need to finish reading F*ck Feelings before I can say with absolute certainty, but at this point in the game, this is where I stand in my own comprehension of what has been presented to me. I could have been one-sided and whole-heartedly took everything The Secret presented as the gospel, but I would be a hypocrite, as I am always telling my kids there is more than one side of the story, and the information F*ck Feelings puts forth are valid, and yet another side of the story to explore. I will do a final update when I read and process the last of the book. Until then, I plan to keep an open mind!
Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Finding My Own Peace...The First of Many Steps
I will start by stating I have beliefs. I need to have a point to base from, so I should start with what I believe. There is a greater force than me out there in the Universe. I am in awe of what surrounds me, and the planet we live on. I am in constant awe of our species. We are capable of great things, good, and bad. Collectively, we have gone from living a relatively primitive existence to the rich and ever-changing existence we all experience today. If I stop to reflect for a moment I consider how we are so very fortunate to enjoy so many of the many advances available to us here on Earth right now, and to be extra grateful when considering there are members of our species which, unfairly may never experience a fraction of what we in many countries take for granted, and even consider our right. Even though there are millions of cars and other vehicles on the road at any given time, it can be mind-boggling to think how we arrived at the point that we are driving around, covering many miles, and doing it reliably! I don't even always give much thought to all the processes and technology--all the blood, sweat, and tears that got us to the point that we nonchalantly hop in our vehicles, turn the key, and not hope, but expect that engine to start up to take us on our way. The relatively odd time it won't, is not met with resignation, rather it becomes an annoyance, an inconvenience or even the end of one's patience!
I believe that for all the imperfections and flaws in the world, it is still an awesome, exciting place to be. Even though we all share much of the same DNA, we are all different, each with our own gifts and burdens, some of which we openly share with those around us, and others that we bury deep within our souls. I have spent an inordinate amount of time burying much of myself. For whatever it was that made me, ME! Call it self-esteem, self-love, what have you, for much of my life, I have believed (either correctly, or incorrectly) that what makes me tick was off-limits. I was protecting myself from others who I deemed more influential, intelligent, or just plain more worldly. Who really wanted to know what I thought or cared about anyway?
For years, I carried what I can best describe as a knot at my core. I always felt (and still do) conflicted. It has only been the past three years or so that I have started to loosen that knot, and every time I feel myself working another kink or crimp in my thinking out, I feel better! Some of the kinks in my knot have been alleviated simply by being honest with myself. Some issues are a little more complex, and require multiple thoughts or actions to even begin to come undone. Keeping with my knot analogy, I have to consider that when a knot has been tied that tightly for so long, the length that was coiled and held in place will not just lie flat and smooth. There will always be a tiny bit of kink, no matter how much you attempt to pull it all perfectly straight. Having that tiny reminder there serves to keep me on track, when I recall how much a situation or person used to make me feel or react. If my reaction now is even somewhat straight and true to how I feel, then voila! I am improving!
Another big admission here: In addition to being in perpetual awe and admiration for fellow human beings, I fear I do not always have a good read on others. This may stem from my introspective days, when I was far too worried about what others thought, and didn't put much stock in my own thoughts or values. If I had a conversation with a friendly and interesting soul, I would on many levels enjoy it, as we all do, but a deeper part of me would be asking, "so, why did this obviously awesome, interesting, with-it individual want to talk to me? Are all the other like-minded individuals busy? Otherwise occupied? Or (gasp) were they dared to talk to the weirdo?" The last one is a remnant from high school, as I am pretty sure this did happen, so what's to stop it from happening again, and again? This irrational, yet deeply seeded part of me is what won so many times into my adult life. I did eventually get more out-going, (at least on the outside), but the deep, dark part of me would eventually win out, time and time again.
Taking stock now, at the point of where I am at now, I can see that some of my thoughts would seem downright idiotic to anyone but myself. It's stupid to think it was wrong to have some of the feelings I had. I am sure I have "missed out," but the conclusion I have come to is that if something is meant to happen the opportunity will find a way to present itself again. That's why you never say never. I hope to be more astute to the signs and signals given to me by whatever guiding force is out there.
I don't want to be fearful to tell people I love them, and that they are important to me. In the past this was like exposing a weak spot to be expropriated, or even ridiculed and rejected. I have straightened my knot out enough to know that I can survive these things. It may leave a crimp in my line, but I can always try to straighten it out the best I can to move on.
This is how I begin my RAYOR posts. (If anyone cares) it stands for: Read At Your Own Risk, as I do not plan to apologize or fuss over what anyone else may think. I am documenting a journey--my own, in the hopes that it will make me a better person, the person I want to be!
It will be challenging, and freeing to delve deep and pull up some of the more poorly planted parts of myself. It's time, and I am going to do it!
I believe that for all the imperfections and flaws in the world, it is still an awesome, exciting place to be. Even though we all share much of the same DNA, we are all different, each with our own gifts and burdens, some of which we openly share with those around us, and others that we bury deep within our souls. I have spent an inordinate amount of time burying much of myself. For whatever it was that made me, ME! Call it self-esteem, self-love, what have you, for much of my life, I have believed (either correctly, or incorrectly) that what makes me tick was off-limits. I was protecting myself from others who I deemed more influential, intelligent, or just plain more worldly. Who really wanted to know what I thought or cared about anyway?
For years, I carried what I can best describe as a knot at my core. I always felt (and still do) conflicted. It has only been the past three years or so that I have started to loosen that knot, and every time I feel myself working another kink or crimp in my thinking out, I feel better! Some of the kinks in my knot have been alleviated simply by being honest with myself. Some issues are a little more complex, and require multiple thoughts or actions to even begin to come undone. Keeping with my knot analogy, I have to consider that when a knot has been tied that tightly for so long, the length that was coiled and held in place will not just lie flat and smooth. There will always be a tiny bit of kink, no matter how much you attempt to pull it all perfectly straight. Having that tiny reminder there serves to keep me on track, when I recall how much a situation or person used to make me feel or react. If my reaction now is even somewhat straight and true to how I feel, then voila! I am improving!
Another big admission here: In addition to being in perpetual awe and admiration for fellow human beings, I fear I do not always have a good read on others. This may stem from my introspective days, when I was far too worried about what others thought, and didn't put much stock in my own thoughts or values. If I had a conversation with a friendly and interesting soul, I would on many levels enjoy it, as we all do, but a deeper part of me would be asking, "so, why did this obviously awesome, interesting, with-it individual want to talk to me? Are all the other like-minded individuals busy? Otherwise occupied? Or (gasp) were they dared to talk to the weirdo?" The last one is a remnant from high school, as I am pretty sure this did happen, so what's to stop it from happening again, and again? This irrational, yet deeply seeded part of me is what won so many times into my adult life. I did eventually get more out-going, (at least on the outside), but the deep, dark part of me would eventually win out, time and time again.
Taking stock now, at the point of where I am at now, I can see that some of my thoughts would seem downright idiotic to anyone but myself. It's stupid to think it was wrong to have some of the feelings I had. I am sure I have "missed out," but the conclusion I have come to is that if something is meant to happen the opportunity will find a way to present itself again. That's why you never say never. I hope to be more astute to the signs and signals given to me by whatever guiding force is out there.
I don't want to be fearful to tell people I love them, and that they are important to me. In the past this was like exposing a weak spot to be expropriated, or even ridiculed and rejected. I have straightened my knot out enough to know that I can survive these things. It may leave a crimp in my line, but I can always try to straighten it out the best I can to move on.
This is how I begin my RAYOR posts. (If anyone cares) it stands for: Read At Your Own Risk, as I do not plan to apologize or fuss over what anyone else may think. I am documenting a journey--my own, in the hopes that it will make me a better person, the person I want to be!
It will be challenging, and freeing to delve deep and pull up some of the more poorly planted parts of myself. It's time, and I am going to do it!
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